Hal Rodney Moore

i sit each day thinking about you, all of the should haves and could haves, i am trying so hard to live my life to make you proud but it is so hard and i don't feel like i can do it anymore, i really have no reason to keep this show up. i remember the day we were driniving down hwy 17 juat before we left on vacation and we were at the stop light at hardees, you looked at me and said i was a srrong woman that you had watched gtow before your eyes and how proud of me you were. i knew then we really had not much time. you said you had everything in orderfor me. but to be honest you really didn't. you made sure the cars and house was paid off, and all of that stuff but you never counted on the void you left in my heart. a place that has been empty since the day you went away. it is 1 on the morning and i am trying hard to get past the min you took your last breath. it get harder every year and every second. i love you and miss you past any words and every say. 
i feel like i have cried an ocean today i know you always hated to see me cry. never understood that.still waiting for the pain to stop but it seems like it goes on foreverr. just as my love you for you will never end.i pray ever day to die cause i know if i do my self in as our daughter says, i will never see you again, but then there are the ones that says even when i get to heaven our loved ones wont know us, as we will have no names and just greet each our with a nod, so in in limbo here, why go to this place where you want know me and live here on earth in hell as i am now without you.
no one know just how deep your love is in my heart, it consumes every beat. our love was like no otherand still is. i cant let anyone else in because im scared they will push that love out and i never wanna take that chance.
i know i am just rambleing on but in the candle section they dont give you much space as they do here.  well i guess i should go and try and get past these next few days, please if there is someway you can let me know you are here with me just let me know.i sometimes think i have forgotten your voice but your face is always there in my mind when i close my eyes. well i am closeing this for now cause the tears are starting and i just wanna go back to sleep. i love you baby with all my heart.  

it says this a place for memiories, thats funny, there is not enough room anywhere to write every memory. from the second i looked up and looked into your eyes until the second i looked down and saw your eyes close for the last time. baby everytime i think of you i want to scream because you are not here and i can't go on like this. you were my strength and my support for handleing our daughter, well she is your kid, very head strong and demanding. but strong. you would be proud of her. there are times when i look at her i see you. not sure just how much i can take, she is much stronger then i am and i buckle under her all the time which makes me a very weak person. wish you were here to help me.

 while driving to work today i looked over to see this couple in a white yukon, she was talking to her husband and using her hands as i always did when i was talking to you, and for no reason i started crying, then i realized it was because i miss being on long trips with you and looking over when you thought i was sleeping and knowing i was where i belonged, with the only man who could truly have my heart. i miss being in the passenger seat and reaching over just to touch you to see if you were real. now im the driver and i reach over to an empty seat wishing you were there. you hardly ever let me drive but when you did and you would sleep i would still look over and thank god for the man i love so much and giving us the life that was perfect for us. a wonderful life beautiful daughter and a strong marriage that nothing could come between us. thank you baby for that life and being my soul mate. 

something funny happened today, while i was driving around at work a rain drop hit my nose and my first thought was of you and how you would always tap my nose or yuck, lick it lol. if you were here i would let you do that until you licked it off my face, well i guess i get to keep my nose. it seems today must be the day of thinking about you. i had a dream last night and i know it was your way of letting me know you were close. then driving in what do you know a jimmy song came on, ok sweetheart you win, i will smile all day just thinking of you, wow ok so maybe i will cry a little because i miss you like crazy. i smile everytime someone says they are going on a cruise and all the ones we took, then i look at the "special pix" we took on the balcony on our last cruise and what fun we had even though you were so sick you still made it perfect. as always you made my life perfect, remember the time i was able to return the laughter you always gave me on the cruise with Ronnie Bullard, you laughed so hard that night until you ended up on the floor. then you took my drunk ass back to the cabin and made love like there was no tomorrow, not knowing we had so few left, if i had only known how few we had i would have never let you out of bed. i miss you so much and trying to learn to love and be loved again. maybe someday. but no one will ever be you. one heart one man.

i remember i wanted this special car, a little sports car, Rod knew how much but also knew if i had it i would either kill myself in it or rack up so many speeding tickets we could wall paper the house with them, so he went to the deaer ship and talked to Dean and said he wanted to get me the car but on a much small scale, well hi did, a little green soltise, it was the most beatuiful car i have ever seen and it sits in my bedroom where i look at it everynight and think of him and i driving around and laughing while he let me test drive the real one. he spoiled me so much but i would give every gift back for just one more chance to here him say i love you or feel his arms around me. that little car means more to me then any diamond ring or real car he had ever gotten me. i love you baby.